Golden Rays

I’m not certain how I managed to go an entire month without providing an update, but here we are. Before having Ryan, people would say things about how fast the year had gone. I would agree, but never really “got it.” I’ve heard “the days are long, but the years are short” more times than I can count and it’s amazing how true it is. It really is crazy how fast time goes when you have a little one who changes and grows daily. Add a life altering medical condition, and time essentially vanishes before your eyes. This year is half over! I hope you are living your best life, and you are enjoying every little moment that is wrapped in beautiful chaos.

I am officially back to work, and while I am blessed to have a good job with great benefits, I’m hating every minute of being back. It’s not so much the job as it is my mindset. I didn’t want to go back to work when my maternity leave was up last year. I was afraid to miss even one moment with my sweet girl. This time it’s even worse. So much worse, actually. I tend to have a positive outlook on life, but I’m also very realistic. Having cancer creates a pretty boggy head space for me. I’m well aware that my life expectancy is severely diminished based solely on my diagnosis. While I’m positive that God’s plan for my life is a story of glory and redemption, I’m also cautious enough to know that may include an early demise. I have my moments when I fear the act of dying, but after months of being plagued with the uncertainty, I’ve found that it isn’t so much death that I’m afraid of. It’s FOMO. The fear of missing out (FOMO) on wedding anniversaries, graduations, all of the firsts Ryan has yet to experience, travel destinations, just all of the cherished life experiences. So, while I’m blessed to have a job, and be healthy enough to return to work, I’m absolutely dreading every minute I am away from my Ryan Lee.

Now that we’ve kicked off this post with some heavy thoughts, let’s have a little update shall we? This week marks the start of intra-maintenance phase. Two big things that come with this, 1) I will be done with treatment in two years, and 2) my chemotherapy doses will begin to spread out more. Definitely cause for celebration!

I had my first appointment with physical therapy last week and have an appointment scheduled with occupational therapy this week. I’ve lost a lot of muscle definition, strength, and flexibility over the past several months. I’ve also gained enough weight that I’m considered overweight for my height. It’s discouraging to say the least. I’m praying that therapy is just what my body is looking for.

I had a bone marrow biopsy performed on Friday. We were advised that it will be several days before the results come back. MRD is expected to be ZERO! Please pray that the results match the expectations.

I’m going to update the meal train as I’ve had a few folks ask to bring food. We will never turn down food! Thank you to everyone who’s checked on us over the past few months. From calls, messages, visits, meals, cleaning… You guys truly are rocking this village! We are so blessed and beyond grateful that you have chosen to love like Jesus. Please keep praying for our family. Without our prayer army, and family village, I’m not sure where we would be.

How about those questions from Facebook?

Unfortunately, I’m not cleared to “travel” just yet. No Texas or Florida or Yoga retreats (vacations) in the works just yet. Key word – YET!

My white cells and ANC still fluctuate on a daily basis. I’ve been able to go out in public without a mask for about a week or so this round. If you want to plan a lunch or outdoor walk, message me!

I’ve been cooking vegetarian meals for dinner. Surprisingly, Mike has been enjoying them. I haven’t sworn off meat all together, but I have and will continue to reduce our consumption. I’m making Mahi-Mahi with avocado salsa, and corn and black bean salad for dinner tomorrow.

I loved this question from my friend Christina: Besides your sweet girl and hubby what makes you smile? So many things! I was going to say my dogs or friends or family, but I felt like it just didn’t do your question justice. (Those things do make me smile.) The smell of the leaves after it rains. Sunrises, sunsets, and rainbows. Big puffy clouds. Twinkling stars across the night sky. Hiking… When you’re walking through a shaded patch and a sliver of a golden ray peeps through the leaves and catches your cheek. That makes me smile.

I’m sure I’m forgetting some update, but this will have to suffice for now.

All my love, Elizabeth