Six Months

Six months ago, I received the most devastating news of my life. “Your pathology report came back, and it shows T-Cell Lymphoblastic Lymphoma” (Later changed to Leukemia.) It’s hard to believe we’ve been fighting this battle for six months. Some days it feels like I just received that phone call, and other days it feels like I’ve been doing this for one hundred years.

I’ve been told that once I reach the maintenance phase things get easier/better. While that may be true for the physical side of things, I doubt it will be easier mentally and emotionally. Chemo decreases to once per month during maintenance phase. This is apparently when people “get their lives back.” Ummm my life is never coming back. At least not the way it was, and that is going to be very challenging for me.

I had goals and dreams that now don’t make since. I don’t even know where to start with creating new goals and dreams. My only goals for the past six months have been not to die, and spend time with my family. Those are vastly different than my pre-cancer goals.

Enough whoa-is-me, let’s talk about things that you shouldn’t say to a cancer patient. Some might surprise you. (I’ve been guilty of several of these!)

1. We don’t want to hear about your cousin’s friend who died from cancer. We’re sorry your loved one has passed; now is not the time to share that with us.
2. Solid tumor and organ cancers are not the same as blood cancers and when you compare them, it makes us uncomfortable. (I’ve been guilty of this.)
3. Don’t compare any cancer patient to another cancer patient. No one gets the exact same treatment. (Guilty.)
4. Please don’t tell someone “it’s just hair, it will grow back.” Hair is a big part of who we are, and for a lot of us, it’s part of our identity. (I’m pretty sure I did this more than once.)
5. If you’d like to offer suggestions on treatments, don’t. Unless you are this persons best friend or close family member, then you’re going to sound mean. Even if you have their best interest in mind, just don’t.
6. If you are a close friend or family member and want to offer treatment suggestions or alternatives, ask first. Ask your loved one if they would like to discuss alternative treatments. Respect their answer! If they say no, move along.

1. For cancer patients with babies, we know our child(ten) likely won’t remember this time, but we will. Please reconsider saying things like “she won’t remember any of this.”
2. “You’ve got this.” This one isn’t a hard no and may not bother other patients. To me, it feels cheap, and no one knows if I do “got this.”
3. Asking someone their prognosis or life expectancy is off limits. Period.

1. Never ever tell someone they have a “good cancer.” Not one single form of cancer is good. Zero.

How about somethings we want you to say to us?

1. You are beautiful.
2. I love your smile.
3. Can I bring you tacos?
4. I miss you.
5. I’m praying for you. (MEAN IT!)
6. How can I help you?
7. Share survivor stories.
8. Cancer sucks.
9. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
10. I love you.

Thanks for being you and loving my family and I. I’ve learned so much about selflessness through the past six months, all from you!

I’m still fighting nausea. Please pray that I have no vomiting and can push through the nausea.

PS – You can order Let There Be Fight shirts. Check my Facebook or Instagram for who to contact.

PS – My neighbor got his results back this week. He’s cancer free!!! Thanks for praying for him.

~E~